Orientation to the Wedding

A week full of lots of work means I haven't done much on the wedding planning stuff including writing some posts that I had planned for this space. So since I am up bright and early this morning and the weather has a lovely, feel good chill about it today, it's the near perfect morning to get back on track with things here. 

One of the things that I want to write about is the wedding ritual itself. In India, there are as many types of weddings as there are sub cultures. Each has it's own practices, meanings, moments of light heartedness, fun, frolic and serious prayer. Weddings between Hindu subcultures usually take one of two forms: the couple will either decide to adopt the rituals of one side completely or if there are similarities between the two subcultures, there will be a fusion wedding that incorporates elements of both.

In my case, the wedding per se will be South Indian. So I guess, this is as good a place as any to orient everyone, including the groom-to-be, on what to expect. Especially since some things tend to happen upside down. ;)

First things first, weddings our side take two days - just the main rituals that is. If you include stuff like the mehendi ceremony (the part where the bride gets her hands decorated. Btw, my mom-in-law to be is a whiz at this and I personally love this part... so it's gonna be a lot of fun! YEAY!) the festivities begin 4-5 days before the main ceremony itself. Coming back to the two days, the close family of the bride and the groom move into the wedding venue the day before the actual wedding. Our wedding halls have bedrooms etc. for the families to occupy and the morning of the first day is spent settling in. The bride's family will usually arrive a couple of hours before the groom's family and then welcome them with much fanfare.

Once settled in, the first set of "pooja" or prayer rituals begin. Here the bride and the groom pray separately with their respective parents and the seek the blessing of all their elders and ancestors before they embark on their marriage. My guess, and I shall try and confirm this, is that this was usually performed by the bride and the groom in their respective villages before the groom's family left for the bride's village for the wedding. However, in the interest of speed and economy, this is now performed on the day before the wedding at the venue itself. 

Post this, lunch is served and the families will usually sit around getting to know each other better or if they already know each other well enough will talk and gossip and maybe even get some sleep. Then comes part 2 which is a prayer that the bride and groom perform together. The exact meaning of this part is a little hazy to me. The way I understand it, the bride and groom solemnise their intention to get married (just so no one decides to pull a runaway bride or groom the next day you understand). I need to get some clarity myself on what exactly happens here. 

The evening is the fun, relaxed part. It's a kind of reception. Yes, again in the interest of time and economy, the reception happens before the wedding. Since we have a whole evening of nothing to do between solemnising our intentions and actually getting married, someone thought they might as well have the reception then and the practice kinda stuck I think. The reception is usually the event with the maximum guests in the whole ceremony with everyone in their best finery which in Chennai translates to lots and lots of silk and gold. Often, the reception includes a classical music performance as the entertainment for the evening. However, I've decided to do away with this part primarily because  I've noticed that no one is really listening to the music and that to me is disrespect to an artist. So I've decided to avoid a live performance altogether and just stick with some sort of background music.

The next morning the wedding rituals begin in earnest. Here I am hoping to avoid a super early start. Cynduja here had hers start at about 4 am and if mine were to start that early I seriously doubt whether the groom himself will wake up in time to make it to his own wedding. The morning starts with the groom having his last meal as a bachelor with his brother. My boy always says that I make this sound like the last meal of his life. I usually grin and reply "yeah... of your life as you know it!" ;)

Post the meal, the bride's father goes to welcome the groom. At this point, some sort of altercation happens between the groom and the bride's father and the groom threatens to call off the wedding and go off to Kasi and live as a celibate. He even pretends to walk out of the wedding hall in a huff. The bride's father then convinces him not to do so and take his daughter's hand in marriage. It is now that the bride joins the ceremonies and there is an exchange of garlands. This part is fun as siblings, cousins and uncles on both sides try to make it as difficult as possible for each to garland the other. 

The garlanding is followed by a little ritual where the bride and groom are made to sit on a traditional Jhoola or Oonjal or Swing. The women of the bride's family then bless the two and ward of the evil eye from the happy couple. This is usually accompanied by some traditional singing. All of this usually happens outside of the main hall itself. The couple then walks into the main wedding hall and on to the platform at one end of the hall. They seat themselves in front of the fire and the pandit begins the ritual chanting. The bride is then gifted her marriage saree by her in laws. A traditional red and gold nine yards is what I intend to wear. Once the bride changes into this saree, she is made to sit on her father's lap and the groom stand in front of her for the main vows of marriage and to tie the Mangalsutra or the Thirumangalyam or the necklace that symbolises marriage. And thus, they are declared man and wife.

However, it does not end here! This is followed by more chanting of verses that I reckon not only bless the couple but also detail their responsibilities towards each other henceforth. But by now, most guests will start heading towards Lunch which is served as soon as the Thirumangalyam is tied. After the chanting is over, the couple with their families will also head for lunch and then there are some traditional games played by the couple. These games, my mother once explained to me, were created so that the couple, who in the olden days were often seeing each other for the first time on their wedding day, could get to know each other and break the ice so to speak. They involve rolling some coconuts on the floor for each other to catch and even a tug of war using the coconuts!

And with that we come to an end of the official ceremonies! Phew!

I know this is a long post. But I think the length of the wedding itself deserves this long a post. I promise future posts will be shorter!

PS: I've used a picture from Cynduja's wedding that I took here without her explicit permission. Sorry about that Cindy! Let me know if you'd like me to take it off!